She said she needed a walk She would be back But she needed a walk With much on her mind She wasn't out too long Just wandering around Until she came across someone on a bridge Her observations were keen This one was getting ready to jump A place that's familiar She recalled that day The second time She remembered her sister's screams Shrill howling cries of lament She recalled how she was naked A tourniquet made from a torn shirt How her sister clung to her, shaking She remembered the list of things That were her sister's "If you died, then that means you took my sister away!" She recalled that remark Her heart ached After all I've done, she still saved me.... Still, she fixated on the person Preparing to jump, while still hesitant She wouldn't focus On what she wouldn't have to Just the fact that she would do something She called their attention Suggesting that she wanted to talk Perhaps, go to a cafe nearby This person took her up on the offer A chat came They
The Will to Keep Breathing by Amoridere, literature
Literature
The Will to Keep Breathing
She said That she hadn't the will to live Just that she kept breathing She considered it An utter nuisance, something That prolonged her suffering More than what she'd like She told Death That she could collect her later Death obliged Existence wasn't treating her well No, she suffered and she was crying out For a release She hadn't the will to live Not that she "lived" She just existed She still had that will To continue breathing and She considered it a nuisance She suffered and She wanted that suffering to end Crying out for some release Death obliged her When she asked for prolonged time And she wondered if that was The wisest choice Mortality was something She contemplated and, currently, Figured Death was far more merciful Than her continued drive to keep breathing The dead were luckier They didn't have to suffer and, still, She wondered if she Envied their fate If she were dead, presently, Then her suffering would be ended, however, She still had that will
She could only
Think of the
Battered and blood
Bird in its gilded cage
It had beaten
Itself bloody and raw
Trying to escape
Before succumbing
To Death's embrace
It couldn't fight anymore
It was all too much
And it's fight for freedom
Was in vain.
She could only wonder
If she envied its fate
In this time,
Her mind drifted to the
"Dark Place"
And she was losing a battle
As her psyche descended
She wondered if,perhaps,
She'd have been better off
Fixed
She wasn't in any sort
Of mood to be compliant
No, "compliance" to her
Wasn't an option
It was something that made her
Push back
She thought about a lobotomy
She wondered if she
Would be better off fixed
Either medicinally or surgically
And if it would be bliss
If she was catatonic with
Barely half a mind
The alternative, she concluded,
Would be worse and she'd much rather not
Feel anything
Or have to suppress anything
To cope with the situation
That's had its effects
On h
They wanted compliance
She wasn’t compliant
She was the opposite
Defiant
“Defiance” wasn’t a desirable trait
No, they wanted her to be compliant
No matter the measure
There were cures for
Her condition and they would seek them
Anything to cure her
Of that conditioned called "Defiance"
She sat
Staring idly at nothing
Looking right through things
She wasn’t the same
Her eyes were devoid of life
She was silent, just staring
Into nothing
Catatonic, unaware, a shell
She was deemed “fixed”
“Fixed” meant being compliant
It was as things should be
Rather, what they claimed things should be
Gone w
She had them
And they were destructive
Permanently there
Some days, she could tolerate them
Keep them in line but, other days,
She wanted to give in
She'd remiss
And then she'd relapse
The demons getting louder
Clawing at her being
Sometimes, she wanted to cut
To carve away, to mar
The shell that held her
Other times, she wanted to burn
To strike a match, to torch everything
To grab onto
A hot stove
To gorge herself on whatever
To snap bones, to mutilate
To destroy
To indulge in the chaos
To harm instead of heal
To lash out in fits of rage
To spend her funds
Buying up whatever and whenever
Until she hadn't any more
If she had any
The Locked Wards [Reworked] by Rosary0fSighs, literature
Literature
The Locked Wards [Reworked]
Statistics written in skin
naked and sick,
lips hung with words but
hollow of expression.
There is no softening the medicine
trickling into bone.
Dream lucid or speak insane,
mad tones lost to effortless hands
guiding your skeleton to a locked room.
Bound in white
breathing in the scent of stars and faded galaxies
gauze and Betadine and
decaying souls, light already gone.
The florid notes of hope
linger in doorways
ground shut on the back stairs
a two-at-a-time descent.
Pills trespass fairy weights on her tongue
a cloying sweetness rich and thick that is darkness embodied.
Blue sheets billow out their sails and go nowhere -
they moor their
